The Facebook Message That Forever Changed Us

I froze. I saw the word terminating, and my heart dropped. Fast. I hesitated in shock and didn't know if I could read on. Did someone realize he was a pastor and come to him to confess, come to him to lift this burden from their heart, come to him to seek advice? I froze. I looked to my husband's eyes for guidance, but they didn't say a word. So, I read on.

Then I handed him his phone and cried. I cried for the life of the baby. I cried for the life of its mother. I cried for the absolute hugeness of our God to be so BIG and so involved. I cried because God used us. I cried because something good, no - not good, something miraculous and more important than anything else in our Thompson-world had just happened: a whole life was saved. I cried because I care about that baby. I cried because God confirmed that we are nowhere near the shelf, nothing close to Wheezy, beyond used, whether my tunnel vision can see it or not. I cried because this is what I wish I could do on a daily basis, something so much more meaningful than scrubbing annoying stains off of the fridge or paying our bills. I cried. For the life of that child and the joy in the decision of that mother, I cried. 

Rick felt it too. His half-pursed lips and slight smile told me all that his words didn't need to. I don't know where Rick was that day in terms of our transitions, in terms of our household, in terms of what's in store for us in ministry, but I do know that he felt the significance of all that message told - a story so far beyond the insignificant. 

There are a lot of details that have come to pass since this initial message, as well as some big realizations and God-equations that are coming together. All of those things I don't feel led to blog about right now, but I will say that God used this situation to remind me that our children are His; they can and will be used for His glory; their adorability is all just a reflection of His creation. 

Rick replied to her and later that evening, she sent this: 

It also opened my eyes to a decision that some people, and not just people, but believers in Christ, face. I guess I should more accurately say that it blew my mind that parents consider terminating pregnancies! In my naive mind, I tend to generalize that this is a decision that girls, single women, couples trying to not have children, victims of rape, and basically everyone other than married parents - make. It never occurred to me. It really did not. Ever. It. Never. Occurred. To. Me. EVER.

So, I have that awareness now. The truth is, married parents who attend church, who pray to God, who believe in Christ, who have a relationship with him, those people, some of them consider abortion. They do. No matter what you think of that, it's true. It just happened, and I don't believe this is the one and only time. How can we turn a blind eye to that? Are we, as Christians, turning peoples' eyes toward abortion? I want to scream OF COURSE NOT! But, this has really made me wonder. When we are overwhelmed and broadcasting how hard it is to raise children, are we scaring people from having more? When we, as Christians, are asking families if they're done having kids (implying they have too many) or blatantly asking if we've "taken care of that," aren't we really saying stop having kids? Are you certain that the couple you are talking to or counseling didn't just find out that they're expecting a 3rd or 4th child?  How are our words affecting them when they may already be burdened with the thoughts of financially supporting another, rewinding to babyville again, wondering if they'll love another child the same, and all the other thoughts that could potentially plague a soon-to-be parent? Are we thinking before we open our mouths? Are we viewing every child as a child created with intention and purpose by humans, as though we are in control of the entire process of creation, or do we believe Psalm 139, "For I knit you together in your mother's womb." Are we viewing every child perfectly knit together by God in His timing? If so, why are we questioning parents when another child is on its way? Why aren't we celebrating, praising God, and thanking Him for another precious life? As Christians, shouldn't that be our initial reaction? Shouldn't that be our ONLY reaction? Shouldn't we rejoice and celebrate, period?

The other eye-opener to me, as a pastor's wife, is that the church rarely addresses this issue. It's like we think that all Christians know abortion isn't God-initiated, so we assumed all new believers get this by some second-hand means, and that's that. Do churches preach about abortion to married couples? It seems like we shouldn't at first thought (at least to me); yet, this one Facebook message makes me totally rethink that. The truth is, people struggle with just about everything, Christian or not. Unless you're in a church with a ministry that specifically addresses abortion or pregnancy centers, your pastor is probably not prioritizing speaking to his congregation about keeping a baby when that test is positive. He's just not! That's the sort of conversation to be had with (like mentioned above) the single, the unmarried, the non-church going people who consider abortion . . . because church-going people don't consider abortion . . . or do they?

I can honestly say, I never have. Never a thought. Not once. Does that make me righteous in some way or more Godly than this woman who messaged my husband? No. Not one bit. We have five children, and we weren't trying to get pregnant with any of them (we really weren't). So, they were surprises. I'll tell you what I did do when I found out we were expecting additional children. I did wonder how we'd balance a new life with work. I wondered how we'd love another as much as the first. I wondered how we'd manage to take care of them and split our attention in so many directions when we had the fourth and fifth these past two years. I totally wondered. I don't happen to be a person who wonders how we'll afford them or who stresses over buying a bigger house so they can each have a bedroom. It's just not me. I did, however, stress.

This situation has really prompted me to ask myself what is behind those presumptuous questions that we, as a society, tend to find socially acceptable: Did you take care of that? Well, you know how that happens, don't you? Are you having another kid? Then, to go a little further, the conversations that take place after the conversations, like: I can't believe they're having another one. What is the reason for saying that? Now, as a Christ-follower, what is the reason? Do you really believe that this couple performed this miracle? That they, themselves, created this baby intentionally and they are the ones causing the cells to divide, multiply, develop into organs and all other parts, perfectly orchestrating this life into being because their desire to have a child and this miracle of life is in their hands? Really? As a believer, do you believe that?

Probably not. If you are a follower of Christ, you believe that God is the giver of life. So when we say, I can't believe they're having another one, don't we really mean, Why would God give them another child? That has to be what we are really saying. We are either questioning why they have chosen to have another baby on their own, independent of God, or we are wondering why God is giving them another child. What about when we say, You know how that happens, don't you? When we say that, aren't we really saying, Why didn't you stop this from happening? That's what we mean, isn't it? Aren't we really asking if they have learned about the technical way a sperm and egg collide and create a life so that they can avoid that collision?  Maybe we don't mean that; maybe we're just teasing the new-to-be parents with some friendly banter, but in either case, this Facebook message my husband received has really made me think twice about the words we are speaking when a life is on its way. Rejoice. Nothing but rejoice. Encourage. Nothing but encourage.

Isn't parenting difficult enough? Shouldn't we be walking alongside our friends and celebrating when God has given them a baby? Shouldn't we be speaking about our children with thankfulness and encouraging those in the body of Christ to love all children, all babies, planned or unplanned (by us -though quite planned by God Himself)? Shouldn't we be making our position as Christians known to our churches? Shouldn't pastors deal with every issue people face, even the quiet ones that can be secretly terminated in-between Sunday services? I'd love to see pastors address this compassionately. Forget the condemning messages that speak hatefully of abortion. We all know that too well. How about a clear reminder that we're all in this together? What about loving the people who are trying to grasp this whole concept of following Christ by speaking about the very real decisions that cross our very flawed and vulnerable minds?  

There's a part of me that wants to place a huge sign above our home, visible by every Momma-to-be that is about to abort. A sign that reads, I'll raise your baby, no questions asked. And I wouldn't ask a single question. I would just rejoice, nothing but rejoice. I've often thought of this over the years. I once saw a video of a couple in Asia who placed a heated lamp in a box with a sign for a drop off for unwanted babies. That box has been used, often. I think of that as a whole world away. Today though, I sit here, and I realize that not only is it next door, it's often much closer than I realize. Much, much closer. I do know there are safe drops all over this country, and I do know there are millions of babies intentionally and knowing aborted. I've always known. It's always burdened me. Now, it's just come a little closer to home. This one woman's admirable honesty on a Facebook message has touched our lives, and I'm excited for God to continue to move. He's doing something with this.

I'm still in awe, now weeks later, at how God used a picture of my five little loves to speak to a woman several states away. I'm also in awe that we never really know of all the ways God is using us. Sometimes it's obvious, like those times when tears of heartache are stopped mid-flight as God's peace settles in, those moments when a phone call for help turns into hours of counseling, those moments when the words of another soothe your soul, those many moments when it's obvious. Then there are the times when we feel like Wheezy, slightly distanced from it all, seeing others all-in, feeling unused. Sometimes, those are the very moments God Himself sends a reminder that we are not forgotten.  Sometimes we're feeling shelved while another is praying for an answer, and God blends those two soul-pleading positions into one very miraculous moment that saves a mom from a potentially heart-aching guilt, a baby from a human-forced death, and a pastor's wife from questioning her ability to be used.

God hears our pleas, and He answers. He does answer. He can even speak to a man to click on a person who he saw occasionally in a high school hall and use that connection to answer a prayer. He just can. He's that BIG, and He can.

Being Pursued,
Emily